CDMA

Confused Desi in Mainland America.
I admit. I really don't get it. Being a Desi in the states has brought its share of confusion in me. After much rumination I am sorry to say the confusion is not going to go away. What I have ascertained causes much despair as its neither going to change soon, nor is it going to be easy to see the light. We seem to be hard wired to certain ideas, belief systems and a way of thinking, what we call a mindset. Desi's in the US come in many flavors, the americanized ones who after an year of getting off the boat , all of a sudden seem to think that India is a village and crack jokes about it with his new homies in da 'hood [I call these the fresh dawgs ], or the more commonplace "OMG that coffee is 3 bucks .. thats like 120 Rupees. I'm NOT drinking THAT !" kind [the constant calculator], then we have the ever so common "Wanna screw white chicks, but I'll marry only a 'good girl' from India" type [the horny chauvinist ] and thats just a broad generalization.

Simon lives in an apartment and shares place with 3 other guys and cant find enough time to explain why India is still a frigid old village and how the American life has made him see the light. It was a Saturday night and like every other Saturday night he goes out to a club. Inside the club the American Desi faces a dilemma, the brown skins are outnumbered and his new found culture and lifestyle don't seem to stand a chance with the real thing. The first thing that he does is to scope out the place. Not for low hanging fruits but simply for prey looking the other side. The target is locked, he runs. Like an F-22 re-fueling in mid-air, he tries to connect his nozzle to the rear of his prey. The unsuspecting girl shrieks and jumps ! Simon engages the cloaking device called "run the hell outta there" and moves in to stealth mode. Bogie one is down. Between a couple of beers he hunts down another couple more targets. Mission accomplished, Simon returns to base before lights come on and blows his cover. At home he found the (single) bedroom locked, from the inside and yells "Sridhar, make it fast. I've got to sleep, gotta go to the church tomorrow"

Sridhar is working for an Indian software company and has been here for just about two months now on an on site assignment. He does not join Simon in his club quests since the entry fee is 10 bucks and thats like 400 rupees. Simon chuckles as an apparently exhausted Sridhar opens the door ... "dude ... get a life man. get a lap dance instead of a laptop. You stupid Indians ... break out of that shell man... taste the real life like me...". Poor Sridhar makes the mistake of asking Simon how the night went. "Dude ... cool man... I danced with at least 5 chicks man... I was grinding so hard with the third chick, I almost messed up my trousers man...hahaha...So you decided on what laptop you wanna buy ? " Sridhar's time once he got back from work was divide between searching for laptop deals, checking the USD to INR conversion rate every other minute and watching porn. "The Dell has a new coupon and I get it for 15 bucks less than the HP with the same config. But I'm still undecided if I want to go for a 2.0 GHz one and pay the extra 100 bucks. Or maybe I should go for that VAIO, it looks so sexy. I'd love to have that MacBook but nothing runs on it. Sim..."
Simon is heartily snoring by now lying next to Jinesh who was already dead asleep, and Sridhar ponders if wants to watch more porn or search for more deals, he starts by hitting finance.yahoo.co.in and checking the Dollar rate now. "Damn! down 15 paise again..."

Earlier that day Jinesh was out and his phone rings. "Hello Amma... ... Yeah I'm doing okay ma... How is everything there... okay... what ? the proposal ?... okay did you see the girl's photo ? okay... Is she fair ? how fair ? and did you like her ma ? .... Whats she doing ma ? what ? ... shes a fashion designer ? No ma... I told you na.. nothing but IT people please.. Its very hard to find job openings in these professions here, IT is easy and how do you think two people can survive here without a double income ? ... No ma... Plus you have absolutely no idea what goes on in these colleges ma... I'm sure she's had an affair and all... ... No ma ... I told you na... Look for only software engineers and girls who went to colleges nearby their homes, and not hostels... Okay ma... I'm in the midst of some work here, I'll call you back ma.. Yeah... I'm staying late in the office today, lot of work to do...Okay...bye." Jinesh puts the phone away and deftly slides a dollar bill in to Eva's g-string as she purrs in her Scandinavian accent "ready for your next lapdance... baby ?" somebody would have to wipe the smile off his face now.


But all this boils down to some simple facts. Simon has a confused identity, Sridhar, a confused bank statement and Jinesh, confused morality. But how should I explain myself as the guy who sat in the living room all the while just blogging about it ?